The Only Trigger That Creates Deep Healing
We can understand our issues. We can analyze our issues (yawn). We can soul retrieve, regress, meditate, energy heal, rebirth and breathe. We can do all of these things and they’re all wonderful and helpful.
But where the rubber hits the road is when we actively change our behaviour.
All of the other tools mentioned above are like premium gas in a souped-up car. If nobody ever gets in and drives that car, all the best gas, luxurious interior and revved up engine won’t amount to anything.
Let’s look at healing shame. Shame, according to Dr. Mario Martinez, is one of three core wounds that we can wind up carrying. The other two are abandonment and betrayal. Interestingly, there are antidotes for all three of these core wounds.
Shame’s antidote is honour. The antidote to abandonment is commitment. And betrayal’s fix is loyalty. All of these antidotes refer to funnelling this energy towards the self first, and then all else follows.
So let’s say you’re working with shame. And you realize that you need to employ honour in order to heal. We can think about what it means to honour ourselves. We can devise plans to honour ourselves. We can even set an intent to employ a life of self-honour.
But if we never actually walk in those footsteps…take action to undo the ties that bind, the shame will persist.
This is why psychoanalysis, while interesting and initially required to understand the fundamentals of ourselves, is ultimately useless without action.
And your flavour of honour will be distinctly unique from others’ flavour of honour. For example, I’ve realized that I often put others before me. And while I’m getting better at saying no and setting boundaries, I still have a long way to go. And I realize that this core wound of mine will heal completely when I take consistent and unapologetic action to honour my needs first.
It can’t go any other way.
So what’s your thing? What’s your achilles heel? Look back at your childhood and adolescence and intuitively look around to see what wound feels most resonant. And, just to note, we can have more than one wound. We can have two or we can have all three.
When you discover what you’re dealing with, make the commitment (interestingly, the antidote to betrayal) to take action. It doesn’t work any other way.
And know that it’s not going to be easy. After all, you’ve been unconsciously walking in painful shoes and living accordingly ever since. It’s just what we do.
It’s going to be scary the first time you say NO to a friend. Do it anyway. It’s going to be uncomfortable the first time you adopt a healthier lifestyle. Do it anyway. You’re going to feel uneasy telling your partner that you don’t actually like the swirly thing they do with their hand during sex. Speak up anyway.
Might you piss some people off? Maybe. Might you lose a friend or two? Perhaps. But if you standing in your own commitment, honour and loyalty is the price that you have to pay, then so be it.
A soul’s journey is a SOLE journey. You wake up with you. You go to bed with you. It’s you, baby, and you better love the skin you’re in while you’re in it.
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