How many times in a day do you find yourself looking at someone and judging them? How many times a day to blame someone for something that has made you uncomfortable or upset? How often do you perceive someone and observe that they should change this or that? How often do you see another as wrong, misguided, unfit, ‘less than’ or making mistakes?
Here’s the problem with jumping into another’s space and judging them: You have no right to be there. It is actually a huge invasion of privacy, personal space and honour to sit in judgement of another. It is also not, nor has it ever been, nor will it ever be, your job.
But perhaps even more important than the aforementioned…
It keeps you deeply unconscious.
How can this be? After all, I myself, have spun very clever judgements of others. I’ve listened, ad nauseam, to other people spin very clever judgments of others. We’ve all done it and we’ve all listened to it. We’ve all felt very wise and superior while doing it.
This judgment and blame system keeps you deeply unconscious because it it masks the one and the only vital thing you ever need to do this lifetime. TURN THE ATTENTION TOWARDS YOURSELF.
But this is painful for most people. Asking yourself what role YOU have been playing in your unhappy marriage is scary. And it’s always more fun to blame the other guy, right? Asking yourself where YOUR thoughts of anger and bitterness are coming from when dealing with someone who has been rude or unpleasant to you is something we just don’t want to do.
And yet it is the ONE thing that we can do that ultimately sets us free. How?
The only person in this entire Universe that I have any control over is ME. Not my kid, not my spouse, not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends, not my coworkers and no one that crosses my path. I am it. I am in charge of me and my responses. I direct my thoughts, my feelings and my perceptions.
When I finally realize this, a couple of vital things happen.
1. I take back my power. When I no longer rely on others to make me happy, make my life easier, keep me comfortable, not rock my boat, not make me sad, not upset me, etc…than I can actually DO something about all of these things. I am now in the driver’s seat. I am no longer dependent on anyone. I can actually shift those things that don’t feel right for me.
2. I uncover where I am still unconscious. Everything that you see as ‘happening to you,’ is actually ‘happening for you.’ There are no mistakes. Life is one big, synchronistic orchestra designed for your awakening. When someone says something to you that upsets you, there is a wound there that is still open. It is asking for healing. When someone abuses you, there is a wound there that is still open. It is asking for healing. When someone behaves in a way that bothers you, there is a wound there that is still open. IT IS ASKING FOR HEALING.
After all, YOU are the one that is bothered. YOU are the one who has become irritated, upset, angry. YOU’RE the one who feels rejected, abandoned, betrayed, ripped off, manipulated. Would it not stand to reason that, regardless of what is going on with the “offender”, because you are reacting, this is actually YOUR problem to deal with?
When you own your feelings, reactions and judgments, you move closer to ultimate freedom. You move closer to awakening. One wound at a time, you heal and become whole.
Think about it this way: If someone walked past you on the street and yelled, “You have brown eyes!”, you wouldn’t think anything of it if you had blue eyes. It’s simply not true. As you know it’s not true, there is no internal struggle or redirection of blame or judgment.
But if someone walked past you on the street and yelled, “You’re stupid!”, you may have a struggle. You might begin by thinking, who the hell was that…why would someone say that to me…I’m not stupid…they’re clearly stupid…what’s their problem…and on and on and on…The reason the struggle ensued in the first place is because there is actually a question within you as to your level of intelligence. If there was no question, there would be no struggle.
And there it is. Something for YOU to see. Another thread for YOU to unravel. Judging and slamming the person who called you stupid gets you a big, fat NOWHERE. They’ve already moved on (trust me). YOU are the one still reacting. So, this is where you inquire. You ask…IS THIS TRUE? How did I come to feel this way about myself? What happens to me when I believe these thoughts? What do I turn into when I invest in these thoughts? What if this is NOT true? What does it mean to be “intelligent” or “stupid” anyway? By what standard? Cultural? Societal? Familial? Who is the ultimate judge of this? Does this really matter? What would it take for me to be okay with me? Am I willing to love myself in spite of all of my judgements against myself? What if ‘intelligence’, as culture defines it, is completely inconsequential?
You get the idea. Self inquiry can and will change your life.
But you have to OWN IT. Until you own it, you are OWNED. You are not in possession of yourself. You have given yourself away. To another, to your friends, to your family, to your culture.
It is no way to live and happiness cannot be found within its confines. Own it and you begin to see that everything that has ever happened to you has been FOR you. It’s all been a blessing. Take it back and reap the rewards of that gift. It never belonged to anyone but you.
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