Letting Go Of Your Grievances

We all have them. We all have something, somewhere, that we’re hanging onto. Someone either did something to us or said something to us. Something happened to us. We received an unfair ass-kicking or we didn’t receive the accolades we thought we should have.

You have a grievance. Better yet, it is safe to say that you have LOTS of grievances.

How are they serving you? Do you need to hold onto the continued internal justifications? Do you still need to be able to say to yourself, “See? He is a schnook! I was right all along!”

What is it, within you, that needs to keep the grievance going?

I have an ex-boyfriend who wasn’t very nice. And by not very nice, I mean he cheated (and by cheated, I mean that he was engaged to someone else and was sleeping with numerous others); he was addicted to alcohol and drugs; and the entire relationship was basically a sham. It left me angry and numb. In fact, I kind of lost it when I found out that he’d been cheating on me. It was, after all, my worst fear come to life.

I grumbled and felt crazy for 2 weeks. I fell apart. Then I called a therapist. I knew I couldn’t keep feeling the way that I was feeling. I ranted and raged in my therapists office for a month. I wrote letters that would never be sent and cleaned up a lot of crud. I let a lot of anger go.

But the next relationship that I got into (who I’m still married to today) was riddled with my lingering insecurities at first. I was jealous of ex-girlfriends. I felt incredibly insecure. I wondered if I was really loved or if it was all too good to be true.

Again, I knew this couldn’t continue. I loved this man and I wanted to feel happy and good. I didn’t want to live like the other shoe was about to drop.

Over the first several years of our marriage, I got very serious about letting go of my past grievances. Through trial and error, bit by bit, I began to unravel. I was like a tightly wound ball of yarn that just kept unwinding and untwisting and unknotting. I learned a great deal about myself and various therapies, and eventually went on to practice energy therapy with my own clients.

I saw that, no matter how many tools I added to my tool kit as both a practitioner of my own unfolding and others’, we only have one real place that we need to encounter, again and again.

We need to let go.

And we need to do it over and over again if we want to be free.

One of the most valuable places to start in the letting go process is with your grievances. It’s those gritty places inside you that are effecting you most profoundly. Your grievances make you angry, unforgiving, bitter and hard. They widdle away at your ability to feel empathy. They affect every area of your relationships.

Why? Why does holding onto grievances (which you may feel incredibly justified in doing so) have such an ill-effect on us?

Because it holds you prisoner in your own mind and body.

If I were to have stayed angry at my ex-boyfriend, in the way that I was angry at him, my life might look something like this:

trust within my own relationships and marriage would be near impossible
my body would suffer (as it did for a while) because holding onto anger forces a literal clamping down in certain parts of the body (depending on how and where you feel the betrayal or anger the most)
I would see men through a very different lens than I currently see men
I might feel like no one is being straight with me (which has an entire domino effect of its own)
I might not be truly present within my current relationships (namely, my marriage). Meaning, I might miss out on the great and wonderful love that is with me and loves me and would do anything for me
Grievances keep you held to the past. As a result, it is very difficult to marinate in the goodness that is happening right now.

So we let go. We let go for our sanity. We let go of these grievances for our bodies. We want healthy, vibrant bodies? There is no room for grievances in a healthy body. We let go in order to be present with what is happening now.

We let go because going through that shit once, was enough.

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